Calgary Tribune - Dear Abby Column Addresses Estate Fraud Concerns and Family Boundaries

The "Dear Abby" advice column addressed a letter from a reader identified only as "Not a Marriage," who expressed concern that a family member named April might be committing estate fraud following the death of her partner.

The writer noted that although they personally disliked April, they offered condolences when her partner passed away. However, the writer became alarmed after observing April’s social media posts claiming a long marriage timeline that contradicted known facts.

According to the letter, April and her late partner were not legally married. The writer pointed out that if April’s claimed timeline of their relationship were accurate, she would have been incarcerated at a state women’s prison in the early 2000s during the period she claims they were together.

The writer acknowledged the difficulty of remaining silent but questioned whether April was dishonestly extending the duration of their relationship to secure financial benefits from her partner’s estate. They asked whether it was appropriate to correct April publicly or if they should wait for an attorney to address the discrepancy.

Abigail Van Buren, who writes the column, responded that April might be distorting facts to cope with grief. If this is merely a coping mechanism, Van Buren advised leaving the matter alone. However, if there is genuine suspicion of estate fraud, Van Buren stated it is the writer’s duty to speak up.

The columnist advised against public embarrassment but recommended sharing known facts directly with the executor of the partner’s estate to ensure the truth is documented.

In a separate letter, a reader signed "No Privacy" sought advice regarding a parent who exhibits intrusive behavior. The writer described a pattern where the parent reads their mail, inspects shopping purchases, monitors trash disposal, and inquires about colleagues' salaries.

The writer noted that family and friends have expressed displeasure with this behavior and asked how to help their parent understand that constant information sharing is unnecessary.

Van Buren characterized the described behavior as excessive, noting that while parents must monitor minor children, such scrutiny is inappropriate for adults. She suggested a strategy of proactively overwhelming the parent with boring details about daily life. The goal would be to make the writer’s life appear uninteresting enough to deter further curiosity.

The columnist also warned against showing anger when the parent becomes nosy, as visible frustration might reinforce the parent’s suspicion that there is something significant to discover.

Finally, a reader identified as "Going Broke in the West" asked how to suggest separate checks when dining with another couple. The writer explained that they have split bills evenly for years but are now subsidizing the other couple’s expensive entrees, bottled water, drinks, and desserts.

The writer noted that their share of the bill often reaches $150 to $200, making it increasingly difficult to afford these outings. They sought a way to propose separate checks without implying that the other couple eats too much or spends excessively.

Van Buren advised against framing the issue around the other couple’s spending habits. Instead, she suggested casually stating that separate checks would simply "work better" for the writer’s household. This approach avoids shaming and presents the request as a matter of personal financial convenience rather than a critique of the friends' behavior.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. The column was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips, and was penned for nearly four decades by Jeanne Phillips before Van Buren took over the role.

L.Collins--CT